#*%@

Yes, I'm talking about the word. Probably the most powerful word in the English language. Its so powerful, yet so inviting. You want to say it, you really really want to. You hear it just about everyday, people saying it to other people, sometimes laughingly, other times with more serious intentions. It would feel so natural just to say it, just to spit it out, but I hesitate, I wait and I wait, because its not really true. I tell myself over and over it would be a critical mistake to say it now, while it's not really true. I must wait, wait till' it grows, wait until I'm absolutely certain its true to say it.

You know what I'm talking about??

It would feel so right, so natural, just to say "I love you." Just as a friendly goodbye. I'm tempted every single time, but every time I resist. I don't want to scare her, or be untruthful to myself, because I know it's not really true, not yet anyways... Hopefully someday it will be, maybe with her, maybe with somebody else. I don't know. Its not that I'm in love with her, but that I love her. I love her like I love my best friends, similar to the love I have for my sister. I care about her, maybe more than anybody on this world right now. Thats love, is it not? But I know I'm not in love, because the idea of marriage and spending my life with her still scares me. So I guess I love her, but I'm not in love with her, if that is even possible. I don't know much about these things, I'm what you might call a greenhorn. But I hope I get to say it to her someday, I really hope so...