Sometimes

Sometimes I hate people. Not everybody, just certain people, like my roommate, specifically. He's cool and all, its just some things he does. When you live with someone, you will disagree with some things they do, guaranteed. I now know that, after a semester in college. Anyways, we have all the same friends, and he's always around, Always. He stays up late, and I stay up late, as you can tell by the time of this post. The only thing thats worse is that I'm positive he likes the girl that I like. I know he does. It doesn't bother me because he's trying to steal her or anything, because I also know for a fact that she does not return the feeling for him, but more just because he still likes her and he knows I do. I don't know, maybe thats selfish or something, but I don't care. He's always around when we hang out, so I hardly ever get alone time with her. (Just in case you were wondering, this is the same girl from before). Every time he's gone, I get really really happy. I don't think thats just coincidence. It can't be.

It wouldn't be bad if it were just for this year, but I'm pretty sure we're rooming together next year too. I mean I already told him I would room with him, so theres not much I can do. Don't get me wrong, the guy is my friend and all, but its just he's always around, and I know he would love to mac on my girl.

Now that I'm done bitching, I'll try to write a little happy note or something maybe. (By the way, sorry for whining like a little girl, but I sorta had to get it off my chest, and I don't really know anyone that would be up at 4:30 that I would want to talk to.) Um, yea, the happy thing. I just had Waffle House (yes the roommate came) and it was pretty awesome (except for the roommate being there). The waitress gave all of us a free waffle, so I pretty much love her. She's my new favorite. I wish I coulda' tipped her like $50 but I just don't have that kinda dough. Those people work super hard, and at crazy hours of the night, just to serve a bunch of drunk college kids who are usually snobby and not very polite. They deserve much better than the pay they receive, so I'm going to try to tip them as much as I can from now on. They probably have to support a family just on the tips they get from that place. That's really tough, and I figure I'm a little more fortunate, so giving a little extra can't hurt.

Aftermath

It drives me crazy when I start thinking about something. I get something in my head and I can't get it out until I've completely got it figured out. Sometimes that can be weeks or months. Thats the way it was with her. She just got out of a long relationship, so she told me she doesn't want to get back into anything serious, even though she had some feelings for me. It didn't break my heart or anything, its all cool, it just makes my job a little harder. Now, I've got to make her almost desperate for me, and I have no idea how. I guess I'll just keep doing what I've been doing, and hope it works. Hope she starts to like me so much she can't stand not being with me. That would be ideal, but who knows, things never work out according to plan. So I never got another kiss, I still want it. She has such beautiful lips...

Reunion

So I came back to school yesterday and saw all my good friends again, including her. The meeting went well I guess. There was no kiss, and there still hasn't been one, but there were some good hugs. I'm not bummed though, I wasn't really expecting anything spectacular, because if you do, you'll almost always be let down. It was good though, I'm just glad to be back.

Reunion

Its a reunion after 3 weeks. What is she going to do? How will she greet me? I don't think it will be awkward, but who knows. Who knows what will happen? There is one thing thats a guarantee, a hug. She gives out hugs like no other. The question is, will there be a kiss? Its possible, its entirely possible. Is it likely? I really cant tell, theres no way to tell. I don't know what she's thinking, if she's missing me, I have no idea. I'm not going to ask, because that would give away the fact that I miss her. I'm trying to play hard to get here, trying to act like I don't care.

It's just a crush, I'm probably making it sound like something more serious. But if it were something more serious, there would be no doubt about the kiss. We've kissed a couple of times before, both times the last night before I left. I just sorta figured I would leave her to think about it over the holidays. Nothing would make me happier than a kiss. But if we meet in public, I would bet my last last dollar there won't be a kiss. But then again, I am a bettin' man. She's definitely crazy enough to do it, but I sorta doubt it will happen. But if we meet in private, my odds are a lot better. I might just get that kiss after all, who knows.

Its killing me though, not knowing. Anticipation is always the worst part of anything. Honestly, even if a hug is all I get, I would be satisfied with a hug, as long as its a good hug. Thats not even a realistic stipulation, its always a good hug. But a kiss would make it that much better, icing on the cake, so to speak, even though I don't like icing. I'll just have to wait and see, theres never a shortcut, you always have to wait and see.

Either way, it's gonna work out alright. Kiss or no kiss, whether she's been thinking about me or not, it'll turn out fine. Either way, I'm happy cause I've got a good friend.

I go back Tuesday, so I'll keep you posted... :)

8 Principles

Once again, I was just stumbling around, and found this site that really gave me some inspiration. It's kinda corny, but I enjoyed it.

http://www.eightprinciples.com/

Piece of The Rock

I've got no idea why I'm writing about this, but I'll take that as a good enough reason to write about something. In 1977, Mother's Finest released their album "Another Mother Further."



You could say the main hit was Piece of The Rock. It's a great song just talking about how every man wants his piece of the rock, nobody wants to get left behind. Here's the lyrics:

A millionaire lookin’ for another million dollars
A poor man lookin’ for one
A chainstore owner lookin’ for another store
A hungry manlookin’ for a hamburger bone

(Chorus)
Get it get it get it yeah
Get get get get get ooh get it get it get it
Get a piece of the rock

A rock star lookin’ for another million seller
The DJ say you can’t have none
Now go on and play your disco music
I got to rock ’n roll myself all night long

(Chorus)

Give me a piece of luck
Give me some peace of mind
Give me a piece of yours
Now take a piece of mine

Get it get it get it
Get a piece of rock
Get it get it get it
Get a piece of rock
Get it

Mary had a little lamb
With feet just as white as snow
Everywhere that Mary went
You know the lamb should ‘a go go


Anyways, its just a great old song to rock out to. Check it out if you have never heard of it, if you have, rock on!

Tired?

How can I sleep so little and still not be tired? It seems in the past few days that I have only gotten a couple hours a day. I took a nap earlier today, and I'm not tired at all right now. I heard that a study once found that sleeping for a few hours at a time can be much more effective than sleeping for long periods of time, so maybe the naps are keeping me up. So I guess I'll write about my life, maybe...

So last night I was in a hot tub for the entire night. I think we got at the girl's house at like 1 and then got in the hot tub. We didn't get out until 5 am. Probably not a smart decision, we were all pretty dehydrated and had headaches after we got out. No biggie though, nothing a little water couldn't solve. My friend was up pretty much all last night and most of the night before that on aderol. I'm guessing he's going to crash at some point today, the body just can't handle being up that long. One high school student stayed up for 264 hours (about 11 days) for his science fair project, with apparently no permanent damage to his body or mind. I can only imagine what kind of crazy shit he was seeing, hearing etc. near the end of that. I stayed up for like 30 hours or something like that, and was pretty much a zombie, so I can't even imagine 11 days. What I found interesting is that there are people with a variety of mental conditions who barely sleep at all. One condition, Fatal Familial Insomnia (FFI), is actually, as its name implies, fatal. Eventually, the lack of sleep caused by this condition causes many of the body's vital organs to shut down, inevitably causing death.
Anyways, I'm not tired at all right now, and I probably won't take a nap today, so we'll see how I feel later tonight. I'm probably gonna pass out later, but we'll see. A little part of me wants to take aderol to see how long I can stay up, or just for the hell of it. But I'm sort of trying to turn my life around and make smart decisions, so I don't think I'll go through with that. Even though it seems relatively harmless (its just a prescription drug), it's still a bad decision, and will make it easier to make bad decisions in the future, where there may be more at stake than a simple loss of sleep.
I've screwed up too much already it seems. I want to chill and stay out of trouble, but I also want to enjoy myself and have a good time. It seems I can't do both at the same time. The things that I like to do seem to always cause trouble, and the things I want to do are just asking for trouble. Its all the boring stuff thats safe, but it's, well, boring. I'm torn between two extremes. I know I'll just get in trouble if I do anything else thats stupid. It's a given, I have such bad luck that its unavoidable. I'm gonna have to just suck it up and chill for a while, I can't take a chance of really screwing up a good thing.

On a different note, theres a couple of girls...There's always at least one girl that gets your eye, one crush, even if it's just puppy love. The one girl I get along really well with. We have a good time and talk about pretty much everything. She's really open and really touchy, she hugs and stuff all the time. The feeling is mutual with her, I know because when I kissed her, she definitely kissed me back. The other girl is probably just a temporary crush, a fascination I have. We get along really well too, but in a very different way. She doesn't think of me as a prospect at all, just as a friend. That feeling used to be mutual, but now I really just want to kiss her. She's definitely not touchy, with me anyways. If there is ever a hug, I initiate it, always. She's coming to visit me for a couple of nights pretty soon, so I guess we'll see what happens. Its not really like theres gonna be much to see, nothings gonna happen, I know it. I know her too well, and she's not going to to anything. She would probably feel really weird if I kissed her. She hooks up with a lot of guys, but I know she would think its weird if I even tried to make a move. My friends just say go for it, just kiss her. They say what do you have to loose? But really, there's quite a bit at stake here. She is probably my best girl friend (not girlfriend) and it would be weird between us if she knew I liked her and the feeling wasn't mutual. I'm afraid of rejection, really. Thats the root problem here. I'm scared shitless, I don't think I could ever even get the courage to kiss her, for fear of rejection. Unless...unless i was drunk, but I know better than that. If either one of us is drunk, then nobody really knows if it's the person or the alcohol thats talking, or acting in this case. That just adds a whole dimension of confusion and chaos to the mix. If I'm going to do it, its going to have to be sober. I've had this sort of crush on her for a while, and at one point, the word on the street was that she sorta liked me too, but thats long gone, at least I think it is. Oh well, it will all work itself out in time, I'm not worried about it. Either way, life goes on. In the big scheme of things, this, along with just about everything else is no big deal, so theres no need to worry over it.

I'm still not tired, but I think I'll lay down, maybe.