Tired?

How can I sleep so little and still not be tired? It seems in the past few days that I have only gotten a couple hours a day. I took a nap earlier today, and I'm not tired at all right now. I heard that a study once found that sleeping for a few hours at a time can be much more effective than sleeping for long periods of time, so maybe the naps are keeping me up. So I guess I'll write about my life, maybe...

So last night I was in a hot tub for the entire night. I think we got at the girl's house at like 1 and then got in the hot tub. We didn't get out until 5 am. Probably not a smart decision, we were all pretty dehydrated and had headaches after we got out. No biggie though, nothing a little water couldn't solve. My friend was up pretty much all last night and most of the night before that on aderol. I'm guessing he's going to crash at some point today, the body just can't handle being up that long. One high school student stayed up for 264 hours (about 11 days) for his science fair project, with apparently no permanent damage to his body or mind. I can only imagine what kind of crazy shit he was seeing, hearing etc. near the end of that. I stayed up for like 30 hours or something like that, and was pretty much a zombie, so I can't even imagine 11 days. What I found interesting is that there are people with a variety of mental conditions who barely sleep at all. One condition, Fatal Familial Insomnia (FFI), is actually, as its name implies, fatal. Eventually, the lack of sleep caused by this condition causes many of the body's vital organs to shut down, inevitably causing death.
Anyways, I'm not tired at all right now, and I probably won't take a nap today, so we'll see how I feel later tonight. I'm probably gonna pass out later, but we'll see. A little part of me wants to take aderol to see how long I can stay up, or just for the hell of it. But I'm sort of trying to turn my life around and make smart decisions, so I don't think I'll go through with that. Even though it seems relatively harmless (its just a prescription drug), it's still a bad decision, and will make it easier to make bad decisions in the future, where there may be more at stake than a simple loss of sleep.
I've screwed up too much already it seems. I want to chill and stay out of trouble, but I also want to enjoy myself and have a good time. It seems I can't do both at the same time. The things that I like to do seem to always cause trouble, and the things I want to do are just asking for trouble. Its all the boring stuff thats safe, but it's, well, boring. I'm torn between two extremes. I know I'll just get in trouble if I do anything else thats stupid. It's a given, I have such bad luck that its unavoidable. I'm gonna have to just suck it up and chill for a while, I can't take a chance of really screwing up a good thing.

On a different note, theres a couple of girls...There's always at least one girl that gets your eye, one crush, even if it's just puppy love. The one girl I get along really well with. We have a good time and talk about pretty much everything. She's really open and really touchy, she hugs and stuff all the time. The feeling is mutual with her, I know because when I kissed her, she definitely kissed me back. The other girl is probably just a temporary crush, a fascination I have. We get along really well too, but in a very different way. She doesn't think of me as a prospect at all, just as a friend. That feeling used to be mutual, but now I really just want to kiss her. She's definitely not touchy, with me anyways. If there is ever a hug, I initiate it, always. She's coming to visit me for a couple of nights pretty soon, so I guess we'll see what happens. Its not really like theres gonna be much to see, nothings gonna happen, I know it. I know her too well, and she's not going to to anything. She would probably feel really weird if I kissed her. She hooks up with a lot of guys, but I know she would think its weird if I even tried to make a move. My friends just say go for it, just kiss her. They say what do you have to loose? But really, there's quite a bit at stake here. She is probably my best girl friend (not girlfriend) and it would be weird between us if she knew I liked her and the feeling wasn't mutual. I'm afraid of rejection, really. Thats the root problem here. I'm scared shitless, I don't think I could ever even get the courage to kiss her, for fear of rejection. Unless...unless i was drunk, but I know better than that. If either one of us is drunk, then nobody really knows if it's the person or the alcohol thats talking, or acting in this case. That just adds a whole dimension of confusion and chaos to the mix. If I'm going to do it, its going to have to be sober. I've had this sort of crush on her for a while, and at one point, the word on the street was that she sorta liked me too, but thats long gone, at least I think it is. Oh well, it will all work itself out in time, I'm not worried about it. Either way, life goes on. In the big scheme of things, this, along with just about everything else is no big deal, so theres no need to worry over it.

I'm still not tired, but I think I'll lay down, maybe.